Bird Jokes
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?,” she asked the pet store owner as she went to pay for the bird. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.” The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.” The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s not so bad.” When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new prostitutes.” The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman’s husband, Bob, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “Hi Bob.”
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An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up and sat down. The younger man had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. . . . The old man just stared. Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring…..The younger man finally said sarcastically, “What’s the matter old-timer, never done anything wild in your life?” Without hesitation or batting an eye, the old man replied, “Got drunk one night and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.”
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A little bird was walking along the road one day, and all of a sudden, a vulture jumps out of the bushes, grabs the little bird, pulls it into the bushes and has its way with the little bird. When all is said and done, the little bird comes out of the bushes saying “I’m a dove, and I’ve been loved”.
A little while later, another bird comes down the road, and the same vulture jumps out and grabs it and takes it into the bushes. When all is said and done, the bird comes out of the bushes announcing “I’m a finch, and I’ve been pinched”.
Another bird comes along, the vulture comes out, and when all is said and done, that bird comes out of the bushes proclaiming “I’m a tern, and you should see what I’ve learned”.
Then along comes a duck. The vulture comes out, grabs the duck and heads for the bushes. After much commotion, the duck comes out yelling…
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(wait for it!)…
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. “There’s been a mistake, I’m a drake!”