Talk Funny Jokes

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank like a stone to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her mentally stable. When he went to tell her the news, he said, “Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged because since
you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you’ve regained your senses”.
“The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with the belt of his robe. I am so sorry, but he’s
dead.”
Mary replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry
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NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD, . SO, GET BACK TO WORK AND DON’T WASTE TIME !!”

::computer::

The restaurant we had our lunch has some waiters never stop looking at 2 of us, probably rare to serve foreign tourists. To let them know we are happy with the foods they served, Andy smiles to them and show them a common Universal gesture with a thumb high up representing good. Who knows that two waiters went out to the street for a while and I heard them talking to each other in Hindi language. Minutes later, one of them came to us together with 2 bottles of Coca-cola look-alike soft drinks. He opens both the bottle caps in front of us and then walks away. Me and Andy staring at each other in confused. We thought they usually serve customers this way with free drinks after meals but later I look closely at the logo of the bottle, Thumbs Up

was invited to a party/get together of a dear friend of mine. There was a girl there that I had never met before. We were playing card games at the dinner table, and of course the lights were reflecting at everyone’s jewelry. I notice that she had this beautiful engagement ring, and right away I knew it wasn’t from a mogul store. It was a beautiful asscher cut in a split shank setting. Her ring was by far the most beautiful out of everyone else’s. Including the girl with the big solitaire, that I know was purchased at the mall.

I asked her fiancé if he received help from Pricescope, and sure enough, he received advice from everyone on here! They mentioned they received tons of compliments on the ring all the time, and I have to admit, it is a gorgeous, absolutely stunning ring!

Anyways, I guess my point was that without Pricescope, I don’t know if there would be so many beautiful e-rings out there!

Q: These days, what do you need to shoot to win a professional golf tournament?
A: Tiger Woods.

Q: What golfing foursome do you never want to be behind?
A: Monica Lewinsky because she’s a hooker; O.J. Simpson, since he’s a slicer; Ted Kennedy — he can’t drive over water; and Bill Clinton, because he’ll go for any hole.

Man #1 “I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife!”
Man #2 “Great trade!”

A middle eastern man lived in the desert in a tent with his three wives.
After many years he manged to buy a second hand fridge and a small generator to power it, so that they can have a little luxury in their lives.
A passer by was invited to have a meal and as it was already dark by the time they finished, the host insisted that he would stay the night in their humble tent.
He got him a spot next to the fridge and they all went to sleep.
After an hour, wife #1 comes to her husband and she tells him that tonight it is her turn.
The husband was reluctant to oblige, because of the guest is just sleeping few meters away.
The wive insisted, so he told her to open the fridge door just a little so that with the light she can see if the guest is fast asleep.
She checked that he is fast asleep, and he did his duty.
An hour later, comes wife #2 and she tells him that it is now her turn, so he tells her to check with the light from the fridge if the guest is asleep.
She checked and confirmed that he is fast asleep.
So he obliged.
An hour later, the new young bride wife #3 tells him that with all the going on, she is now horny as hell and that he has to satisfy her needs.
Reluctantly, he tells her to check the guest condition, and when she tells him that he is fast asleep, he obliged with the little energy still left in his body.
Then they all slept peacefully till the morning.
During breakfast, the host asks the guest if he slept well.
The guest said he slept well, but because of the hot night, he was very thirsty all night.
The host told him that as he slept next to the fridge, why didn’t he got himself some cold water?
The guest told him that he didn’t dare because every one who opened the fridge door got s*****d.