Talk Funny Jokes

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don’t all the fish die?

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

A gentleman mugger has been jailed despite his elderly victim’s pleas for him to be let off because he was so polite.

The pensioner told the court in Salzburg, Austria, that she had not come across such a well mannered criminal for a long time.

The man grabbed the old woman’s bag and ran off but returned when he noticed she had fallen to the ground.

“When he saw me fall, he came back. Criminals just don’t do that any more,” she said.

“He was very neat and well mannered and asked me not to report him. He said he was really sorry, but was just desperate for money,” she told the court.

The 27-year-old, who has not been named, then helped his victim search for her keys which had fallen out when he grabbed the bag.

Police arrested the well mannered mugger after being called out by a passer-by who had witnessed the incident.

He was jailed for two-and-a-half years despite the pensioner’s testimony after it was revealed it was not his first offence.

There are two ghosts walk together on one night. They suddenly find an empty car ( still good ). They think they may steal the car and drive around (…. for fun I don’t know ). While one ghost get into the car the other fly back to the graveyard. A moment later, it come back with it’s tombstone and the other one. The other ghost ask him what they are for ? The ghost who get the tombstone answer naively :
- They are our IDs
- In case the police ask us then we can show these.
What is your attitude ?

A 70-year-old shoplifter tried to evade capture by biting an arresting officer before realising he’d left his dentures at home.

Pensioner Gustav Ernegger turned on the policeman when he grabbed him as he ran out of a clothes shop in Braunschweig, Germany, after stealing a shirt.

But instead of sinking his teeth into the officer’s arm, he was only able to leave a wet mark from his gums.

Police spokesman Gunther Brauner said: “He tried to bite the officer several times, but had forgotten to put his false teeth in and so was unable to cause him any harm.”

An Indian man allegedly hurled a slipper at a court judge who promptly threw a paperweight back in reply.

Nazir Mohammad was in court in Baroda on charges of housebreaking and theft when he jumped out of the witness box and rushed towards the judge.

The robber, reportedly irritated with the slow pace of the case, took off his slipper and threw it at Chief judicial magistrate C D Vaghela.

Judge Vaghela immediately picked up a paperweight from his desk and threw it back at the accused, reports Midday.

Mohammed, who attacked two other judges last year in similar fashion, has been sent back to prison with an extra offence registered against him.

Members of the Baroda Bar Association went on strike after the incident to protest at the lack of security for judges, lawyers and witnesses.