Funny Filipino Jokes | I am a Filipino
A true pinoy is ….
* you’re related to everyone.
* your parents call each other “Mommy” and “Daddy”
* you have uncles and aunts names Boy, Girlie, or Baby.
* you have relatives whose nicknames consist of repeated syllables, such as Jun-Jun, Ling-Ling, Mon-Mon.
* you call the parents of your friends and your own parents’ friends “Tito and “Tita.”
* All of your children have 4 or 5 names.
* you greet your elders by touching their hands to your forehead.
* you always kiss your relatives on the cheek whenever you enter or leave a room.
* your grandmother greets you by giving you “smelling kisses.”
* you live with your parents until – and at times even after you’re married.
* you can’t build or buy a house unless you first consult a feng shui expert.
* your house has a distinctive smell.
* you decorate your living room wall with your family’s framed diplomas and certificates.
* you decorate your dining room wall with a giant wooden spoon and fork and a picture of the Last Supper.
* you keep your furniture wrapped in plastic.
* most of your home decor is made out of wicker.
* your house has a “dirty” kitchen and a “clean” kitchen.
* your kitchen table has a vinyl tablecloth.
* you recycle plastic shopping bags as garbage bags.
* you own “Footsteps in the Sand” poster.
* you have a piano that no one plays.
* you keep a tabo in your bathroom.
* you own a “barrel man.”
* you use a stone to scrub yourself in the shower.
* you use Vicks Vapor Rub as an insect repellant.
* your meal isn’t complete without rice.
* you use your fingers to measure the water you need to cook rice.
* you can’t eat a meal without a spoon and fork.
* you feel insulted if your visitors don’t eat what you offer them.
* you always cook 3 times more than what your visitors can consume, when there’s a party.
* your pantry is never without Spam, Vienna sausage, corned beef, and sardines.
* you can’t enjoy a meal without patis or bagoong.
* you eat fried Spam and hotdogs with rice.
* you eat mangoes with rice – with great gusto.
* you enjoy chocolate rice pudding and dried salted fish for breakfast.
* you have a rosary or “fake bananas” hanging from your rear view mirror.
* you tail an ambulance or cop just to beat the traffic.
* your car horn can either laugh, bark, or moo.
* your car plays a song when it backs up.
* you can squeeze 15 passengers into your Honda Civic without a second thought.
* you think traffic regulations are recommendations, not rules.
* you think that traffic signs apply to everybody except yourself.
* you point with your lips.
* you eat using your hands and have it down to technique.
* your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
* you collect items from hotels or restaurants “for souvenir’s sake.”
* you go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
* you use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
* you scratch your head when you don’t know the answer.
* you play pusoy and mahjong.
* you put your hand in front of you as if to make a path and say “Excuse, excuse” when you pass in between people or in front of them.
* you buy tons of bath towels when they go on sale.
* you still wear outdated clothes you have when you first came to the USA.
* you say “comfort room” instead of “bathroom”
* you say “for take out” instead of “to go.”
* you “open” or “close” the lights.
* you ask for “Colgate” instead of “toothpaste.”
* you say Kodakan instead of “take a picture.”
* you turn around when someone says “pssst.”
* you say “Cutex” instead of “nail polish.”
* you say “he” when you mean “she” and vice versa.
* you say “air-con” instead of “a/c” or air conditioner.
* you pronounce “F” for “P” or “P” for “F”.
* you own a karaoke system.
* you have 5 pairs of tsinelas on your doorstep.
* you refer to your VCR as the “Beytamax”
* you have a rice dispenser with a matching rice cooker.
* you own a Mercedez and call it “chedeng”
* you have “My Shaldan” air freshener in your car.
* you were raised to believe that every Filipino has an aunt, uncle, and cousins.
* your mom or sister is a nurse.
* you consider dilis the Filipino equivalent of french fries.
* you dip bread in your morning coffee.
* “Goldilocks” means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
* your baon is usually something over rice.
* you eat rice for breakfast.
* you wash and re-use plastic utensils and styrofoam cups.
* you have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.
* you have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.
* you have to have a bottle of Jufran handy.
* you know that chocolate meat isn’t really made out of chocolate.
* you spend Holy Week either performing acts of penitence or vacationing.
* you get together with family at a cemetery on All Saints’ Day to eat, drink, and tell stories by your loved ones’ graves.
* you think the Christmas season begins in September and ends in January.