Talk Funny Jokes

Collection of Funny Jokes, Pictures and Stories
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Talk Funny Jokes | Funniest Poem from Popular People

October 31st, 2009 Posted in Conversations, Man, Quotes, Wife, Woman

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
–Tom Clancy

“You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.”
–Steve Martin

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
–Woody Allen

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
–Rodney Dangerfield

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.”
–Lynn Lavner

“Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.”
–Matt Barry

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
–George Burns

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”
–George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
–Sharon Stone

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex —no matter what she’s reading.”
–Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****.”
–Jack Nicholson

” Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
–Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady — and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor)

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
–Robin Williams

“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”
–Roseanne

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
–Billy Crystal

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
–Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
–Dustin Hoffman

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.”
–Jerry Seinfeld

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
–Rod Stewart

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
–Robin Williams

Get an ostensible free in every box!

October 31st, 2009 Posted in Uncategorized

Get an ostensible free in every box!

Talk Funny Jokes | Lawyer Questions

October 29th, 2009 Posted in Conversations, Lawyer, Signs, Work Humor

Questions About Lawyers

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet. I like this one …

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: If you have a bad lawyer, why not get a new one?
A: Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech>
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
A: Just say, “Fees!”

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

Two Kinds of Lawyers
There are two kinds of lawyers: those who know the law and those who know the judge.

Mark Twain notes…
“It is interesting to note that criminals have multiplied of late, and lawyers have also; but I repeat myself.”

Bad Reputation
Isn’t it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name.

People Drowning
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper … ?

Talk Funny Jokes | Windows 7 Joke

October 27th, 2009 Posted in Computers, Technology

Talk Funny Jokes | Couple Travelling

October 25th, 2009 Posted in Husband, Man, Wife, Woman

A couple traveling cross country decided to stop
for a cup of coffee in a local diner somewhere
in Texas. While they were sitting at a booth
near the counter sipping their coffee, a local
cowboy stumbles in and heads for the closest
stool at the counter. As he lifts his leg over
the stool, he cuts one of the loudest farts ever
heard by a human. The tourist jumps up and yells,
“Sir, how dare you fart before my wife!”

The cowboy stopped, tipped his hat politely
and says, “I’m awful sorry ma’am…I didn’t know
we was a takin’ turns.”