One drunk man comes home at 6:00 AM.
His wife is very upset and asks:
- I suppose you have a pretty damn good reason to come at 6:00 AM !!!
The drunk man replies:
-Yup, the breakfast!
============================
Three drunk persons were laying on a railroad. One of them says:
-Jesus Christ that’s a fucking high building with a lot of stairs…
the second one:
-yeah and it has some cold steel bars
third one:
-shut the fuck up… I can hear the elevator coming!
=================================
Two drunk persons (they were in a room) invent a new game…
One of them has to get out of the room and the other one has to guess which of them went out.
====================================
Two persons in a bar…
one of them:
- how many we take? two or three?
the other one:
-get two ’cause yesterday we got three and one was left over
The first one orders:
-OK, we’d like 5 beers and 2 chocolate candies!
=======================================
one man goes out to get ciggaretes. However the only place he could find them was the nearby bar. So he enters, gets couple of beers and meets a beautiful blonde… as usuall, they “match together” and everything finishes in the blonde’s appartment. Next morning the guy wakes up and tells to the blonde:
-Oh fuck! my wife will kill me! please give me some white powder that you use for make-up !!!
….
he gets home.. the wife very upset…
he starts telling the story:
-look I will tell you the truth.. I went to the bar, met a nice blonde and went to her place. Look I have proof the white powder on my hands…
the wife:
-you fucking bastard liar!!! you went the bowling again, didn’t you???
=================================
one drunk person pissing in the middle of the road…
one lady goes by and says:
-uhhh so ugly and unpolite!
the drunk person:
-yeah… but what about the length?
====================================
two drunk persons get out of the bar at 4:00 AM…
-John, look on the sky.. I see 3 Moons!!!
_Peter, come on.. there are only 2 Moons in the sky and I see them clearly!
-No john there are 3!! look I see them!
they walk a while and meet a policemen…
-hey sir, we have a little debate.. he says he sees 2 moons but I see 3… How many are there?
The policemen… a little bit confused, looks on the sky and says:
- On which row ?
=====================================
One kid tells to his mother
-Mommy mommy there are two persons in the hall singing!
Mother:
-Ok, give them $5 and tell them to leave and not to disturbe us again…
The kid:
-Ok, I will do this but I do not know if they’ll go away… because one of them is daddy!
========================================
One man gets a new SUV with the writing 4X4 on it. The latest model. During the night a drunk person sees it and scratches on the SUV “=16″.
Second day the owner of the car is shocked. He goes to the manufacturer and says:”man please erase and write 4X4=16 such that it would appeared it was manufactured this way and drunk persons wouldn’t do this anymore”….
Another night and the drunk persons sees the inscriptions.. scratches his head and writes with paint on the car : “CORRECT”
==================================
There’s this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, “What do you think you’re doing?” The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbor.”
===============================
Drunk at a bar pukes on hisself and starts worrying what he’ll tell his wife. Neighbor at the bar says: “Put a $5 bill in your pocket. Tell your wife a stranger at the bar puked on you and gave you the money to have the shirt cleaned.”
“Ok” says the drunk.
Well, then the drunk stays at the bar for a while and starts playing pool and stuff. First he meets a hot blonde with large teats and then he goes into a bathroom stall with a monkey wearing a skirt. He comes out of the bathroom and says to the bartender [something inaudible].
So then he goes over and to put some money in the juke box but the hot blonde is sitting on the juke box with a skirt and no panties and her legs spread open and her “slot” showing. So the drunk at first can’t figure out which slot to put the money in.
So he returns to the bar and says to his bar neighbor “think you can help me with this problem?”
So the neighbor says “yes” and they walk back over to the juke box. The bartender is scratching his head and turns and says something to the other bartender.
And then it’s like 2 hours later and the bar is fixing to close. And the drunk guy with the puke on his shirt puts his hand in his pocket and starts “rummaging” around. The hot blonde comes over and lifts her skirt right in front of him and starts gyrating her hips.
So the next day, the drunk guy decides he’s going to go buy a new car. He puts his clothes on and leaves the house, but forgets to put on his hat.
He gets to the car dealership and picks out a new car and signs the loan papers and drives the new car home. He goes into the house and before his wife can say anything he falls asleep on the couch.
===============================
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, “Whoa, I don’t remember eating that!”