Talk Funny Jokes

Next
time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you’re
going to smile when you think of this:
A
dentist noticed that his next patient, a little
old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her
a little joke as he put on his
gloves.

“Do you know how they make these
gloves?” he asked.
“No, I don’t,” she
replied.

“Well,” he spoofed,
“there’s a building in Canada with a big tank of
latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to
the tank, dip in
their hands, let them dry,
then peel off the gloves and throw them into
boxes of the right size.”

She didn’t crack a smile.

“Oh, well. I tried,” he thought.

But five minutes later,
during a delicate portion of the procedure, she
burst out laughing.

“What’s so
funny?” he asked

“I was just
envisioning how condoms are made!”
Gotta
watch those little old ladies! Their minds are
always working!

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, “I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.”

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: “WHAT?”

“What did he say? What’s he want?”

His wife yells back, “He needs your underwear.”

knock knock

who’s there?

freeze

freeze who?

freeze a jolly good fellow…
===========================================
How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a green elephant? Hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant? Make it so sick until it turns green, then hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a purple elephant? Embrass it until it turns pink, then make it so sick until it turns green, then hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a red elephant? You can’t, because they don’t exist!
=======================================
The worst joke:
What did a biscuit say when his freind is run over by a car?
Oh, Crumbs.
(Audience lets out a collective groan)
======================================
why did the chicken cross the road?
To Get To the other side

why did the duck cross the road?
It was the chickens day off.

why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasnt chicken
====================================

Jan 23, 2008 03:41 pm

Saw this on another forum. I found it funny. If you find it offensive, well I already warned you, you didn’t have to click.

Lets Offend Everyone
Q. What’s the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A. A speech impediment

Q. What does it mean when the Post Office’s flag is flying at half-mast?
A. They’re hiring

Q. Why aren’t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they’re not going to work in the future either.

Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?**
A. A pimp.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday! and Thursda y, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage along with a recipe.

Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the “F” word?
A. Get another sweet little
80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!”

Q. What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale???
A northern fairytale begins, “Once upon a time…”
A southern fairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this ****.”*!

Q. Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in
the United States.*

Emcee (MC) : Ano ang national animal ng Pilipinas? It begins with the letter
K. (Kalabaw)
Brainless (BL): Kuto!
MC : Mali! Sa lupa ito gumagalaw, hindi sa ulo.
BL : Kutong-lupa?

MC : Ano ang national animal ng Australia? It begins with the letter K.
(Kangaroo)
BL : Kalabaw!
MC : Mali! It ends with the letter O.
BL : Kabayo!
MC : Mali pa rin! Tumatalon-talon ito.
BL : Kuneho!
MC : Mali pa rin! It ends with double-O.
BL : KunehO-O?

MC : Ano ang tawag sa tagasagip sa nalulunod? (Lifeguard)
BL : Safeguard!
MC : Mali! It begins with the letter L.
BL : Lifebuoy?
MC : Mali! Matipuno ang katawan nito.
BL : Mr. Clean!

MC : Ano ang national bird ng Pilipinas? It begins with the letter M. (Maya)
BL : Manok!
MC : Mali! Kulay brown ito.
BL : Pritong Manok?
MC : Mali! Maliit na maliit ito.
BL : Maggi Chicken Cube!

MC : Ano ang national flower ng Pilipinas? It begins with the letter S.
(Sampaguita)
BL : Sitsaron!
MC : Mali! Flower sabi, hindi pagkain.
BL : Sitsarong bulaklak?
MC : Mali! It ends with the letter “A”.
BL : Sitsarong bulaklak with suka!
MC : Mali pa rin! Kapangalan ito ng isang singer.
BL : Sharon Cuneta.

MC : Sino ang pumatay kay Magellan? Initials niya ay LL. (LapuLapu)
BL : Lito Lapid!
MC : Mali! Inuulit ang pangalan.
BL : Lito Lito!
MC : Mali pa rin! First name lang.
BL : LotLot!
MC : Hindi! Mas mahaba iyon.
BL : LotLot … and Friends?

MC : Si Inday Badiday ay tinaguriang Reyna ng blank. Anong blank ito and it starts with the letter I? (Intrigues)
BL : I to I!
MC : Mali. Ito ay source ng mga away.
BL : Isnaban!
MC : Hindi. Ginagamit ito ng ibang mga artista at producers para kumita ng
kanilang pelikula.
BL : Interview!
MC : Hindi! Ito ay nakakainis!
BL : Insekto!

MC : Sino ang unang Chess Grandmaster of Asia na kapangalan ang isang chess piece? (Eugene TORRE)
BL : Carole KING!
MC : Mali! Mas mababa sa King.
BL : Al QUINN?
MC : Mali. Tagalog/Spanish ang apelyido niya.
BL : Armida Siguion-REYNA?
MC : Try again. Mas mababa sa reyna.
BL : BISHOP Bacani!
MC : Mali. Mas mababa pa sa bishop.
BL : Johnny MidNIGHT!
MC : Hay, naku, mas mababa pa sa knight.
BL : Jerry Pons!
MC : Bueno, nabanggit mo na halos lahat ng chess figures.
Isa na lang ang hindi pa at iyon na iyon!
BL : Ah, si Sylvia La Torre!

MC : Ano’ng flotation device ang ginagamit sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod
na nagsisimula sa letter S? (Salbabida)
BL : Sirena?
MC : Mali! Hindi ito babae!
BL : Siyokoy?
MC : Mali pa rin! Hindi ito lalaki!
BL : Siyoke!

MC : Saan binaril si Jose Rizal? Nagsisismula sa letter B. (Bagumbayan)
BL : Sa back!
MC : O, sige. Pwede na rin na sa L nagsisimula ang sagot. (Luneta)
BL : Likod?
MC : Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, RP and initials ng modern name ngayon.
(Rizal Park)
BL : Sa rear part!