Talk Funny Jokes

Patingin nga kamay mo
hindi naman pala ganuin kalaki
eh bakit hawak mo ang buong mundo ko?
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kahit panghabang buhay na sintensya tatanggaping ko!
basta makulong lang ako sa puso mo

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Mabuti pa ang kalendaryo, may date.
Mabuti pa ang school, may chemistry.
Buti pa ang chemistry, may lab.
Buti pa ang fireworks, may spark.
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Buti pa ang test paper, sinasagot.
Mabuti pa ang math problem, pinag iispan.
Buti pa ang bees, may honey.
Buti pa ang farm, may chicks.
Buti pa ang halaman, may nag aalaga.
Mabuti pa ang bulaklak, blooming.
Buti pa ang salamin, minamasdan.
Buti pa ang lungs, malapit sa puso.
Buti pa ang nawawalang gamit, hinahanap-hanap.
Mabuti pa ang kotse, mahal.
Buti pa ang unan, yakap mo sa gabi.
Buti pa ang assignment, inuuwi.
Buti pa ang keyboard, may type.
Buti pa ang film, nadedevelop.
Buti pa ang galosina, nagmamahal.
Mabuti pa ang telepono, hine-hello.
Buti pa ang basketball, may ring.
Buti pa ang soccer, may goal.
Buti pa si Michael Jackson, may moves.
Buti pa si Kobe Bryant, nakakascore.
Mabuti pa ang probability, may chance.
Buti pa ang hersheys, may kisses.
Buti pa ang hininga, hinahabol.
Buti pa ang tindera, nagpapatawad.
Mabuti pa ang pera, iniingatan.
Buti pa ang report, may objective.
Buti pa ang patay, dinadalaw.
Buti pa ang nakakulong, binabantayan.
Buti pa ang radyo, pinapakinggan.
Mabuti pa ang poste, steady.
Buti pa ang araw at buwan, consistent.
Buti pa ang Rosary, may mystery.
Buti pa ang bagoong at kare-kare, pinagsasama
Buti pa ang sapatos, may kapares.
Mabuti pa ang stationary, personal.
Buti pa ang sandwich, may fillings.
Dahil ako, parang notebook; filler lang.
Nadali mo!
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Wag kang masyadong sweet
baka masanay ako sa ganyang ugali mo
at makalimutan kong hindli pala tayo

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Eye Czech up

A Czech goes to the optician in the The #1 online Rx glasses store who shows him a card with the letters

C Z W X N Q S T A C Z

“Can you read this?” the optician asks.

“Read it?” the Czech replies, “I even know the guy.”

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Eyesight problems

Yesterday I went to the optician’s, walked up to the counter and said to the guy on duty, “I think my eyes are going.”

He said, “They’ve gone mate – this is Burger King.”
My Way

A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.

“What seems to be the problem, madam?”

“I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband Eric . He’s still not seeing things my way.”

Eric’s Review of Zenni Optical
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Lowest Price Progressive Glasses Spectacle

Did you hear the one about the optician who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection.

They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth.

The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity.

He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.

The rabbit declared that he had the same problem.

Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.

After a few moments, he announced, ?Youâ??ve got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!?

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake.

After feeling about the snakeâ??s body for a few minutes, he asserted,

?Well, youâ??re scaly, youâ??re slimy, youâ??ve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and youâ??ve got a forked tongue.

I think youâ??re a lawyer!?

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

?Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. ?

Now, close your eyes and repeat to yourself, ?I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson?.

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ARSE THAN YOURS!

Went to the men?s room in the Schiphol Airport (Netherlands) when we got to Amsterdam, I saw the fly and didn?t think much about it. Now I know why it was there!

Who says you can?t potty train a man?