Talk Funny Jokes

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the shy clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, ?Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.?

The biker pulled over and said, ?Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.?

The Lord said, ?Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me.?

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, ?Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say nothing?s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.?

The Lord replied, ?You want that bridge with two lanes or four??

Sent to us from Liana, and yes, thanks Liana, it did make us laugh?. really cute joke

A healthy young couple decided they wanted to getmarried would do so at a beautiful warm resort on the beach in theCaribean.

All was set up for the ceremony, the guests were inthere chairs slowly sinking in the sand, the groom stood by the alter with ahuge smile, and the minister stood patiently alongside awaiting the arrival ofthe bride to be. The evening was beautiful. The waves from the oceanlapped at the shore and the sun was performing a rich warm sunset.Â

Then she arrived and walked proudly down the beachholding her flowers and smiling from ear to ear. When she stood in frontof the minister she put down the flowers and everyone saw she wastopless.

The minister stopped and advised the young woman,?I can?t marry you like that, its not right.?

The young bride looked him in the eye and said,?yes you can, I have a divine right.?

The minister responded by saying; ?yes you have adivine right, and you also have a divine left, but I can?t marry you dressedlike that.?

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping On The Job

15. ?They told me at the blood bank this might happen.?

14. ?This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about at the last time management course you sent me to.?

13. ?Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper?

12. ?I wasn?t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!?

11. ?This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!?

10. ?I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance?

9. ?Actually I?m doing a ?Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan? (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. ?I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.?

7. ?Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.?

6. ?The coffee machine is broken?.?

5. �Someone must?ve put decaf in the wrong pot.?

4. ?Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won?t wear off!?

3. ?Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!?

2. ?I wasn?t sleeping; I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.?

AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

?Amen?

The boss was in a quandry. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Katie or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Katie came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went straight to the water cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said, ?Katie, I?ve never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off.?

?I?d rather you jack off,? she replied. ?I really feel like shit this morning!?

This is a classic SNL bit that I found for your entertainment. I have been in technical support, well project management my whole career and I have to say, they really hit this one well? I hope people don?t view me like Nick Burns hahaha. Your computer guy, Nick Burns brings it home with this old funny joke.