Talk Funny Jokes

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff?s deputy.

He thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and he is certain that he is better educated than any cop from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and to have some fun at the Texas deputy?s expense!!

Deputy says: ?License and Registration please.?

Lawyer says: ?What for??

Deputy says: ?You didn?t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.?

Lawyer says: ?I slowed down, and no one was coming.?

Deputy says: ?You still didn?t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.?

Lawyer says: ?What?s the difference??

Deputy says: ?The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that?s the law. License and registration please!?

Lawyer says: ?If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I?ll give you my license and registration; and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don?t give me the ticket.?

Deputy says: ?Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, please Sir.?

The deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it and then says, ?Do you want me to stop, or just slow down??

The boss was in a quandry. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Katie or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Katie came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went straight to the water cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said, ?Katie, I?ve never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off.?

?I?d rather you jack off,? she replied. ?I really feel like shit this morning!?

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.

2. You say I?m a bitch like it?s a bad thing.

3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

4. Well, aren?t we a damn ray of sunshine!

5. Don?t bother me; I?m living happily every after.

6. Do I look like a people person?

7. This isn?t an office?it?s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

10. Why don?t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?

11. I?m not crazy. I?ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

14. I?m not your type. I?m not inflatable.

15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven?t gone to sleep yet!

16. Back off! Youâ??re standing in my aura.

17. Don?t worry?I forgot your name too.

18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

20. Wait?I?m trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. Chaos, panic and disorder?my work here is done.

22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

23. You look like shit. Is that they style now?

24. Earth is full. Go home.

25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?

26. I?m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

27. A hard-on doesn?t count as personal growth.

28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.

29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

30. Look in my eyes?Do you see one ounce of ?gives-a-shit??

A vegetarian leaks.

This is a classic SNL bit that I found for your entertainment. I have been in technical support, well project management my whole career and I have to say, they really hit this one well? I hope people don?t view me like Nick Burns hahaha. Your computer guy, Nick Burns brings it home with this old funny joke.

This has got to be one of the FUNNIEST freakin videos out there? Recently my father sent me a paper he did on stress management in the work force? I would however like to end off that paper with the following?

All the best to my father? hahaha what a laugh this guys has? must be in the yoga.