Talk Funny Jokes » Animals

Pusa at Aso Joke (Tagalog)

admin — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 04:45:18 +0000

Fredo: Boy ! Bakit kapag ang aso ay nasa loob ng bakuran tahol ng tahol pag-may tao?

Boy: Kasi nga, aso, kng naging pusa yan, eh! di meow..ng meow..

Future Cat and Mouse

admin — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 02:57:55 +0000

Ostrich Joke

admin — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 10:13:20 +0000

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.
The man says, “I’ll have a beer” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have a beer too” says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says “That will be $3.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says “I’ll have a beer,”
The ostrich says “I’ll have the same.”
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the bartender.
“Well, it’s close to last orders, so I’ll have a large Scotch” says the man.
“Same for me” says the ostrich.
“That will be $7.20″ says the bartender.
Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the bartender. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.
“That’s fantastic!” says the bartender. “You are a genius! Oh, one other thing sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The man replies, “Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs.”

Lizard Joke (Butiki Tagalog Jokes)

admin — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 08:07:08 +0000

1.) a lizard fell on the table:

genius:
oh, reptila scincidae

kikay:
eew lizard

astig:
shit butiki

mataray:
shucks butiks

mayaman:
yuck lacoste

poor:
pare ulam

3.) kung ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon na ito
kanino ka mas hihigit na hahanga?

sa taong iniwan ang lahat para sa minamahal nya

sa pusang naghaharlem?

Kermit the Frog Xray

admin — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 00:16:16 +0000

Angry Birds related to Real Life Studies

admin — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 01:04:07 +0000

Angry Birds Origin Picture

admin — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 00:55:20 +0000

Hunter Joke

admin — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 10:31:13 +0000

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognise any animal’s skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced “Bear.” Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, “Shot with a .308 rifle.” He was right. They brought
him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, “Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle. He was right again. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep.The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. He said to his wife, “I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?” His wife angrily replied, “I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, “Skunk, killed with an axe.”

Feminine Products – Talk Funny Jokes

admin — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:33:28 +0000

This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX, regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph?.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I?d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I?d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can?t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there?s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from ?the curse?? I?m guessing you haven?t. Well, my ?time of the month? is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I?ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ?an inbred hillbilly with knife skills?. Isn?t the human
body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you?ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers? monthly visits from ?Aunt Flo?. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it?s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend?s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey?s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants? which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

?Have a Happy Period.?

Are you f______ kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you?re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ?happy? about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Codeine and Ibuprofen and lock yourself in your house just so you don?t march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn?t it make more sense to say something that?s actually pertinent, like ?Put Down the Hammer? or ?Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong?, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shit. And that?s a promise I will keep.

Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

Guide to Office Workers – Talk Funny Jokes

admin — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:33:28 +0000