Talk Funny Jokes

There was once a bird who wanted to defy the norm. It was winter and NO he wasn’t going to fly south and to warm weather. After a few days in the cold blizzards, he couldn’t take it anymore and started off to the South. Halfway there his wings froze and he plummeted to the ground below. He knew he was a goner and he made the dumbest mistake ever. Soon a horse passed by and crapped on the small bird. The heat of the shit warmed him and defrosted his wings. Finally able to breathe and move freely, the bird was ecstatic and chirping in joy. A cat in a nearby bush heard the bird and pounced on the bird, swallowing him in one gulp.

Moral of the Story:

- Everyone who shits on you doesn’t mean that they’re your enemy.

- Everyone who gets you out of shit aren’t necessarily your friend.

- And, if you’re warm and happy in a pile of shit….keep your mouth shut!

A cowboy rides into town, goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks into the bar, and fires his gun through the ceiling. “WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERS STOLE MY HOSS?” he yells. No-one answers. “ALRIGHT, I’M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN’T OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS”. He gets another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back, so he get’s on it and makes to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks “Say partner, what happened in Texas?”. The cowboy turns to him and says “I had to walk all the way home…”

funny tagalog lines Joke: Babae

Angry woman: Hindo mo ba alam dear na 25 taon na tao engaged?!
Absend -minded man: Ha, 25 taon?
Woman: oo mister!, wala pa ba tayong planong mg-asawa, aber?!

tagalog funny lines: Ama at Anak

Anak: Daddy, how much money I am worth?
Ama: Pricelless ka, anak, sa amin.
Anak: Sa tingin ninyo ba I’m worth a thousand pesos?
Ama: Mas higit pa dyan anak
Anak: A million pesos?
Ama: Mas higit pa rin diyan anak,
Anak: Di puwede ko na kayo singilin, Daddy?

tagalog funny lines: Magnanakaw

Nagnakaw si Arman ng isang katutak na bagong sapatos. Nung Umuwi siya ay inombag siya ng tatay at nanay nya, so bilang pagsisisi ay nagkumpisal siya sa pari.

Arman: Father, bless me po for I have sinned.
Pari: Ano yun anak?
Arman: Nagnakaw po ako ng isang katutak na bagong sapatos
Pari: Ah…ganun ba..ilapit mo ng konti ang mukha mo at magsalita ka ng pabulong.
Arman: Ay, bakit po?
Pari: Meron ka ba diyan size 8?

Funny Tagalog Lines: Kilig

Tanung ng Poljak Kay Kekang: May nakapagsabi na ba sayo na maganda ka?
Kekang: (kilig to the max) actually wala pa nga eh!
Poljak: Ah ganun ba? TOtoo nga talaga sabi nila tungkol sayo..

Funny Tagalog Lines: Girls only

Guy: Hi! Ahh, umm, I just wanna ask, didn’t we go on a date once?Or was it twice?
SHE: I think once. Kasi , I never make the same mistake twice!

Funny Tagalog Celebrity Lines:

TEXT NI KIM: Ger pasa mo me P2 load may important me itext.
REPLY NI GERALD: Cge(Sends P2 load)
KIM: (message receive))K! got it tnx!
GERALD: Gagits mo wag na u replay sayang!
KIM: ok tnx again!

Funny Tagalog Quote: Politics

What is the real meaning of the word politics?
POLI -numerous
TICS – bloodsuckers

funny lines tagalog : Easy Tagalog

Quick and easy tagalog for beginners

What is handsome? Guwapo
What is beautiful? Maganda
What is cute? Of course, AKO!

Funny lines tagalog : Filipino Chinese Conversion

How to you say mataba siya – Wun Fat Gai
How to you say halika na dito – Kum Hia Nao
How to you say hindi ko bibilhin – No Bai Dam Ting
How to you say nangitim ka – Wai yu So tan
How to you say walang bayad ito – Ai No Pei
How to you say bakit ka aalis – Wai Go Nao
How to you say bakit ngayon ka lang – Wai Yu Kam Nao
How to you say matagal ka naghintay – Hao Long Wei Ting
How to you say may kinakain ako – Mun Ching Sum Ting
How to you say may bawal mg park – No Pah King
How to you say heto na sila – Hia Dei Kam
How to you say pag aalis ka na – Wen Yu Go
How to you say masaya talaga kami – Wee So Ha Pe
How to you say Kumanta ka nama – Yu SIng Sung
How to you say kanta tayo Lady Marmalade – Wai Yu Sing Dum Sung

Poor Kitty

Watch out Kung Fu Panda!, Kung Kittens are in training