Talk Funny Jokes

TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?

At 8 ? You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 ? You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 ? You don?t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 ? She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 ? She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 ? You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 ? If you take her to bed, that?ll be a story!

At 78 ? What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX, regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph?.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I?d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I?d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can?t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there?s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from ?the curse?? I?m guessing you haven?t. Well, my ?time of the month? is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I?ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ?an inbred hillbilly with knife skills?. Isn?t the human
body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you?ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers? monthly visits from ?Aunt Flo?. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it?s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend?s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey?s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants? which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

?Have a Happy Period.?

Are you f______ kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you?re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ?happy? about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Codeine and Ibuprofen and lock yourself in your house just so you don?t march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn?t it make more sense to say something that?s actually pertinent, like ?Put Down the Hammer? or ?Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong?, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shit. And that?s a promise I will keep.

Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

Guys and Gals, this one is full on nasty, but begging to be watched. A twist on sex, murder and the typical CSI investigative talents.

I wonder how the set and character designers got their inspiration. Â

Post your comments below if you have any other similar hilarious vidâ??s, pics or jokes (or you can contact me by email at mrjokes@bornsilly.com)

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
?You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one,? the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. ?The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and,? pausing to take another drink of beer.
The Senior took advantage of the break in the student?s litany and said, ?You?re right, son. We didn?t have those things when we were young??..so we invented them.

Now,you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation??

The applause was resounding?