Talk Funny Jokes

Commonly Asked Questions About Childbirth

A couple of jokes for the parents – everything you ever wanted to know about pregnancy and childbirth.

Question: I’m two months pregnant. When will the baby move?
Answer: If you’re lucky, it’ll be just after he finishes college.

Question: Is it ok to have children after 35?
Answer: No! 35 children is plenty.

Question: As my pregnancy progesses, more and more people smile at me. Why?
Answer: Because you’re fatter than they are.

Question: I learnt in the pre-natal classes that it’s not pain that I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is this correct?
Answer: Yes, in the same way that you might describe a tornado as an air current.

Question: I want to know the sex of my baby. What is the most reliable way of finding out?
Answer: Childbirth.

What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
Answer: Nothing (if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him).

Question: How long is the average time for labor?
Answer: Whatever the mother says, divided by two.

Question: After my baby is born, is there anything I should seek to avoid?
Answer: Yes — pregnancy.

One Christmas, mom decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result, their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given the children for Christmas.

Go here to see the original: 
Christmas Thank You Notes Joke

Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding. One says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?” The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.” “What do you call it?” “We call it a football wedding.” The first asks, “What’s a football wedding?” The other says, “She’s waiting for him to kick off!”

Read more here: 
Football Wedding Joke