Talk Funny Jokes

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ??. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ?The sky is falling, the sky is falling!? The teacher paused then asked the class, ?And what do you think that farmer said?? One little girl raised her hand and said, ?I think he said: ?Holy Shit! A talking chicken!?? The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

?Hello, is this the Sheriff?s Office??
?Yes. What can I do for you??

?I?m calling to report ?bout my neighbor Virgil Smith?.He?s hidin? marijuana inside his firewood! Don?t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he?s hidin? it there.?

?Thank you very much for the call, sir.?

The next day, the Sheriff?s Deputies descend on Virgil?s house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil?s house.

?Hey, Virgil! This here?s Floyd?.Did the Sheriff come??

?Yeah!?

?Did they chop your firewood??

?Yep!?

?Happy Birthday, buddy!?

Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pick up truck on I-40 and says to the driver, ?Got any ID?? The driver says, ??Bout what?? ****** Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, ?Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th? bag?? ?Jes? some chickens.? ?If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?? ?Shoot, if ya guesses right, I?ll give you both of ?em!? ?OK. Ummmmm?five?? ****** An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, ?Hurry over here- muh house is on fahr!? ?OK,? replied the fireman, ?how do we get there?? ?Shucks, don?t you fellers still have those big red trucks?? ****** Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more? Because they heard 17 and under aren?t admitted. ***** Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. ?Where do you live?? asked the operator. Bubba replied, ?At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.? The operator asked, ?Can you spell that for me?? After a long pause, Bubba said, ?How ?bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?? **** Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools. ****** What do they call reruns of ?Hee Haw? in Mississippi? Documentaries ****** Where was the toothbrush invented? Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush. ****** Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years. ******* A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced, they?re still brother and sister. ****** What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common? No matter what, somebody?s fixin? to lose a trailer. ****** How do you know when you?re staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say ?I?ve got a leak in my sink,? and the person at the front desk says, ?Go ahead.? ***** I hope you enjoyed this redneck humor as much as I did. Remember, nurture your inner adolescent, daily. That will keep you young however obnoxious you may grow.

(Please read aloud for maximum effect.) If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted ?cause the index doesn?t hash, then your situation?s hopeless and your system?s gonna crash. If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that?s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot it and go out with a bang, ?cause as sure as I?m a poet, your system?s gonna hang. When the copy of your floppy?s getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, when you have to flash your memory and try to RAM your ROM, quickly turn off the computer and be sure to call your Mom!!

Students were assigned to read 2 books, ?Titanic? & ?My Life? by Bill Clinton.

One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the position that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for his report:

Titanic: $29.99 * Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read * Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack & Rose, their forbidden love and subsequent catastrophe *

Clinton: The story of Bill & Monica, their forbidden love and subsequent catastrophe

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist * Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar * Clinton: Ditto for Bill

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose?s dress gets ruined * Clinton: Ditto for Monica

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit * Clinton: Let?s Not Go There

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry * Clinton: Monica?s forced to return her gifts

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life * Clinton: Clinton doesn?t remember Jack

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen * Clinton: Monica?ooh, let?s not go there either

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death * Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary?basically the same thing