“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” Cathy Carlyle
“It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.” Unknown Author
“If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years.” Jay Leno
“What female heart can despise gold?” Thomas Gray
“A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.” Helen Rowland
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner
“There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.” Lily Tomlin
“Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.” Dorothy Parker
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” Unknown Author
“Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.” Mae West
“Women like me because I make them laugh. And what is an orgasm, except laughter of the loins?” Mickey Rooney
“A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.” Don Fraser
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Get an ostensible free in every box!
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in something.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don?t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That?s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That?s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you?re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ?Thanks a lot? – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ?you?re welcome? – - – that will bring on a ?whatever?).
(8) Whatever: Is a women?s way of saying ?You?ll find out how I truly feel?!
(9) Don?t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ?What?s wrong?? For the woman?s response refer to # 3.
1st woman: â??Hi! My name is Wanda.â?2nd woman: â??Hi! I?m Kelly. How?d you die?â?1st woman: â??I Froze to Death.â?2nd woman: â??How Horrible!â?
1st woman: â??It wasn?t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?â?
2nd woman: â??I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.â?
1st woman: â??So, what happened?â?
2nd woman: â??I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became soexhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.â?
A vegetarian leaks.
1st woman: â??Too bad you didn?t look in the freezer ? we?d both still be alive.â?
This has got to be one of the FUNNIEST freakin videos out there? Recently my father sent me a paper he did on stress management in the work force? I would however like to end off that paper with the following?
All the best to my father? hahaha what a laugh this guys has? must be in the yoga.