The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ?A
hamburger, fries and a coke.?
The ostrich says, ?I?ll have the same.?
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. ?The usual?? asks the
waitress.
?No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a
salad,? says the man.
?Same,? says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ?That will be $32.62.?
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places
it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
?Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact
change in your pocket every time??

?Well,? says the man, ?several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp.

When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just
put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
there.?
?That?s brilliant!? says the waitress. ?Most people would ask for a
million dollars or something, but you?ll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!?
?That?s right. Whether it?s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there,? says the man.
The waitress asks, ?What?s with the ostrich??

The man sighs, pauses and answers, ?My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.?

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eight weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn’t reviewed for another week, and finally has his surgery scheduled for six weeks from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever.

The second is a Senior Citizen.

Here is the original: 
No Work On Monday September 7, 2009 (Iglesia ni Cristo Executive …

::computer::

Funny Stories
Ok. For those who know me personally (cutiebootie) you know I am a crazy a$$. So here’s a story to fill your days with kin teet.

Killer P

David had been a faithful Christianand was in the hospital near death. The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the psator stood next to the bed, David’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frnatically for somethimg to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and David used his last bit of energy to scribble a not, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the not at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
A the funeral, as he ws finishing the euology, he realized that he wsa wearing the same jacket that he had been wearing when David died. He said, “You know, David handed me a not just before he died. I haven’t looked at it, but knowing David, I’m sure that there’s a word of inspiration there for us all.”
He opened the note and read, ” You idiot, you are standing on my oxygen tube!”
__________________

Angry woman: Hindo mo ba alam dear na 25 taon na tao engaged?!
Absend -minded man: Ha, 25 taon?
Woman: oo mister!, wala pa ba tayong planong mg-asawa, aber?!

tagalog funny lines: Ama at Anak

Anak: Daddy, how much money I am worth?
Ama: Pricelless ka, anak, sa amin.
Anak: Sa tingin ninyo ba I’m worth a thousand pesos?
Ama: Mas higit pa dyan anak
Anak: A million pesos?
Ama: Mas higit pa rin diyan anak,
Anak: Di puwede ko na kayo singilin, Daddy?

tagalog funny lines: Magnanakaw

Nagnakaw si Arman ng isang katutak na bagong sapatos. Nung Umuwi siya ay inombag siya ng tatay at nanay nya, so bilang pagsisisi ay nagkumpisal siya sa pari.

Arman: Father, bless me po for I have sinned.
Pari: Ano yun anak?
Arman: Nagnakaw po ako ng isang katutak na bagong sapatos
Pari: Ah…ganun ba..ilapit mo ng konti ang mukha mo at magsalita ka ng pabulong.
Arman: Ay, bakit po?
Pari: Meron ka ba diyan size 8?

Funny Tagalog Lines: Kilig

Tanung ng Poljak Kay Kekang: May nakapagsabi na ba sayo na maganda ka?
Kekang: (kilig to the max) actually wala pa nga eh!
Poljak: Ah ganun ba? TOtoo nga talaga sabi nila tungkol sayo..

Funny Tagalog Lines: Girls only

Guy: Hi! Ahh, umm, I just wanna ask, didn’t we go on a date once?Or was it twice?
SHE: I think once. Kasi , I never make the same mistake twice!

Funny Tagalog Celebrity Lines:

TEXT NI KIM: Ger pasa mo me P2 load may important me itext.
REPLY NI GERALD: Cge(Sends P2 load)
KIM: (message receive))K! got it tnx!
GERALD: Gagits mo wag na u replay sayang!
KIM: ok tnx again!

Funny Tagalog Quote: Politics

What is the real meaning of the word politics?
POLI -numerous
TICS – bloodsuckers

funny lines tagalog : Easy Tagalog

Quick and easy tagalog for beginners

What is handsome? Guwapo
What is beautiful? Maganda
What is cute? Of course, AKO!

Funny lines tagalog : Filipino Chinese Conversion

How to you say mataba siya – Wun Fat Gai
How to you say halika na dito – Kum Hia Nao
How to you say hindi ko bibilhin – No Bai Dam Ting
How to you say nangitim ka – Wai yu So tan
How to you say walang bayad ito – Ai No Pei
How to you say bakit ka aalis – Wai Go Nao
How to you say bakit ngayon ka lang – Wai Yu Kam Nao
How to you say matagal ka naghintay – Hao Long Wei Ting
How to you say may kinakain ako – Mun Ching Sum Ting
How to you say may bawal mg park – No Pah King
How to you say heto na sila – Hia Dei Kam
How to you say pag aalis ka na – Wen Yu Go
How to you say masaya talaga kami – Wee So Ha Pe
How to you say Kumanta ka nama – Yu SIng Sung
How to you say kanta tayo Lady Marmalade – Wai Yu Sing Dum Sung