His son is also at the table, eating. Larry asks, “Son, what happened last night?” His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”

Confused, Larry asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?” His son replies, “Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, “Lady leave me alone, I’m married’!”

Granddaughter excitedly runs ahead, into the room, and jumps up on the hospital bed.

“Grandpa!” she says, and then comes closer to whisper conspiratorially to him, “can you make a frog call when Grandma gets here?”

He smiles, “I guess. Why, though?”

“Cos Grandma says that when you croak we’re going to Disneyland!”

?No,? he says, ?The seat is empty.?

?This is incredible,? said the man. ?Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it??

He says, ?Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to

Come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven?t been to together since we got married in 1987.?

?Oh ? I?m sorry to hear that. That?s terrible. But couldn?t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat??

The man shakes his head. ?No they?re all at the funeral.?

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, ?Who?s on First?? might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I?m setting up an office in my den and I?m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name?s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don?t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name?s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don?t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, ! for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let?s just say I?m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ?W?.

COSTELLO: I?m going to click your blue ?w? if you don?t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That?s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What?s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn?t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on ?START?????.

?I am sick of sports, and I?m sick of TV,? his wife replied. ?You haven?t touched me in months. We?re going to talk about sex right now!? ?Okay, Okay. So?? After a moment, he asked, ?How often do you think Brett Favre gets laid??