Talk Funny Jokes

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn?t afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said ?We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married?.

So they got married and all three daughters then said ?I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it?. The parents couldn?t afford it either so they decided they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.

So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and decided to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she just ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and decided to ignore it.

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter ?Why were you screaming?� And the daughter replied ?Well mother you told me to scream when something hurt.?

Then the mother said to the second daughter ?Why were you laughing last night?? and the daughter replied ?Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled?.

Then the mother said to the last daughter ?Why didn?t I hear anything coming from your room last night?? and the daughter replied ?Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full?.

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, ?However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven?.

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, ?I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her?. So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, ?I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her.? He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.

The next guy came up and said, ?I cheated on my wife a lot?. He gets a scooter.

Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.

He asked, ?Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!? and the man sobbed, ?My wife just went by on roller skates?.

Last week I purchased a burger & fries at McDonalds for $3.58.

The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies. While looking at the screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort & I tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but when I tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this? – - – Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

Teaching Math in 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production

is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math in 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?

(There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math in 2007

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera papa $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. ?Can you tackle?? asked the coach. ?Watch this,? said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. ?Wow,? said the coach.

?I?m impressed. Can you run??

?Of course I can run,? said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred-yard dash. ?Great!? enthused the coach. ?But can you pass a football?? The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.

?Well, sir,? he said, ?if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.?

?Hello, is this the Sheriff?s Office??
?Yes. What can I do for you??

?I?m calling to report ?bout my neighbor Virgil Smith?.He?s hidin? marijuana inside his firewood! Don?t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he?s hidin? it there.?

?Thank you very much for the call, sir.?

The next day, the Sheriff?s Deputies descend on Virgil?s house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil?s house.

?Hey, Virgil! This here?s Floyd?.Did the Sheriff come??

?Yeah!?

?Did they chop your firewood??

?Yep!?

?Happy Birthday, buddy!?

Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).