Doctor Fitzpatrick says, “I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.”

Doctor Ahn says, “I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable. ”

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, ?So, you must be Louie??

?No,? she said, batting her eyelashes.
?My name is Puddles.?

“Do you know how they make these
gloves?” he asked.
“No, I don’t,” she
replied.

“Well,” he spoofed,
“there’s a building in Canada with a big tank of
latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to
the tank, dip in
their hands, let them dry,
then peel off the gloves and throw them into
boxes of the right size.”

She didn’t crack a smile.

“Oh, well. I tried,” he thought.

But five minutes later,
during a delicate portion of the procedure, she
burst out laughing.

“What’s so
funny?” he asked

“I was just
envisioning how condoms are made!”
Gotta
watch those little old ladies! Their minds are
always working!

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: “WHAT?”

“What did he say? What’s he want?”

His wife yells back, “He needs your underwear.”

Read the original: 
Funny FacePlant Videos

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eight weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn’t reviewed for another week, and finally has his surgery scheduled for six weeks from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever.

The second is a Senior Citizen.

July 1996
I have one very, very nervous patient ( actually I have many more then one). She is in her 50′s and divorced, very nice person. She is so nervous when she comes into the dental office you can feel her trembling as she sits down. She actually makes me jumpy just from the body language she sends out in waves of terror. Poor thing! I was trying to make some small talk so I asked her what was new in her life?

"Well", she said, "I just got a new condom" Nervously glancing at all the equipment. It registered with both of us at the same time. I couldn’t hold back a smile biting my lip and she blushed and was all embarrassed. I wasn’t sure what exactly to say next but I blurted out "Well I guess that means you have a new boyfriend!" Well she laughed (Thank God) and went on to tell me she meant a new condominium!

December 1997

Contributed Anonymously
Young woman, slightly overweight, well endowed, scoop neck blouse scaling max anteriors, nicked the papilla…. patient jumped, and we all know where the scaler went, right? All she did was smile at me and say,’You want to go get that, or do you want me to go get it?"

December 1997 (Christmas Bonus)

Contributed Anonymously
My first prophy patient was a woman. I did not tell her that she was my first. After I finished she remarked that she was my first patient. I was concerned that I had done something wrong or hurt her. She reassured me that everything was fine. Later I asked my clinical instructor how she knew. He said "women have a way of knowing when it is your first time".

September 1997

Contributed by Patrick J. Meaney
In my 5th year, on my first day in the new clinic and the new hospital, I sculled a small container of yellow liquid I thought must be Cepacol, a proprietary mouth rinse. Couple of dental assistants had indescribable looks on their faces, probably wondering for the rest of their lives why the dental student swallowed the bur disinfectant…

May 1997

Contributed by Doctor Doty
Early in my practice a funny thing happened on the way to quitting time. My assistant and I were diligently working away doing some fillings on a middle aged women patient. The assistant was suctioning and retracting and I was using the high speed to remove some old restorations. We paused for a moment for a needed rest for all concerned. As the assistant removed the suction from the patient’s mouth she passed fairly close to the patient’s eyelashes. Well one of the fake ones must not have been glued on real well and, you guessed it–right down the old suction hose. The patient wasn’t really sure what happened. I wasn’t sure what to do.

Speaking of suction stories…

One day we had a fly in the opertory that kept annoying us by buzzing around our heads. They don’t teach this in dental school but the suction tip can be used to vacuum up flies at will! I think the state dental board would insist that you change the tip after fly catching is complete!

April 1997

Contributed by Dominic
In the very early days of practicing. I wanted to quote a fee to a patient for a crown, but the patient kept calling the crown a cap. So, not wanting to confuse patients, I often use their vernacular. But this time I tried to say crown and cap at the same time. It came out "The fee for this CRAP is…" I was glad the patient wasn’t a psychologist.

A good example of why dentists should never be quoting fees for anything.
August 1996

Contributed by Walter Kent
We’ve all had the experience of not being recognized by our patients if we meet outside the office setting, but how’s this for a resolution: We’re in a crowded family restaurant, the most popular place in town, and I greet a young female patient there with her husband and three kids. She looks at me puzzlingly for a moment or two and then blurts out, "Oh, Dr. Kent, I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on."

June 1996
Our office is totally computerized, including the appointment book. When patients call in for treatment not yet planned (say, a broken filling, extraction, or sensitive tooth), the receptionist is to enter the reason for the visit in a small text box that appears on the screen with the appointment information.

Well, one of our patients called for a visit and apparently wanted a filling done for her son and her bleaching tray checked at the same time. The receptionist put a note on the appointment: Patient’s mother wants you to do her.

Of course I broke out laughing when I read the note just before the child was seated for his appointment. The mother asked me what was so funny. I really couldn’t tell her now, could I!

January 1996
We routinely use nitrous oxide for many of our young patients and some of our adult patients, as well. After I explain the procedure and what to expect from the nitrous oxide to the patient I place the mask over the patient’s nose and my usual little speech shortly there after is "When you start to feel it, let me know" Meaning that when the patient starts to feel the effects of the nitrous oxide let me know so I can start the procedure.

Well one day my tongue was slightly twisted. Instead of saying the above I said "When you start to fart let me know." Well I could only imagine what the patient was thinking at the time. "He is filling me up with gas; when I am too full he wants to know!" I had to duck around the corner and laugh at the thought. I definitely had a hard time being serious the rest of the procedure. I am sure the patient thought he hadn’t heard me correctly!