Butt (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.”
Male: What you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal.
Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend
Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
Making love (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
Remote control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.
Thingy (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car’s hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.
Love Quotes SMS Text Messages, Filipino Tagalog Love Quotes, Visayan Love Quotes, Filipino Love Quotes, Pinoy Jokes SMS Text Messages, Funny Jokes, Tagalog Jokes , Visayan Jokes, SMS Jokes, SMS Love Quotes, Romantic Qoutes, …
Here is the original:
Pinoy Text Messages Quotes and Jokes: Tagalog Jokes Qoutes Text …
Football FINALLY makes sense???. A guy took his
blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats
right behind their team?s bench. After the game,
he asked her how she liked the experience.
?Oh, I really liked it,? she replied, ?especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn?t understand why
they were killing each other over 25 cents.?
Dumbfounded, her date asked, ?What do you mean?? ?Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
?Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!?
It?s only 25 cents!!!!
At 85 years, Morris marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate bedrooms. She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the wedding festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting. Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.
After a few minutes there’s a knock on the door and there old Morris is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and is close to sleep, for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more.
Once again they do the horizontal boogie. As they’re laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, “I am really impressed that a man your age has enough juice to go at it three times. I’ve been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one time. You’re a great lover Morris.” Morris looks confused, and turns to her and says,” I was here already?”
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”The kid replies, “Yeah.”
The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.” The kid continued, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the d*** underneath the horse, instead of on top.”
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for, dear?” Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
“Mmm, sounds lovely,” said Grandma. “I think I’ll have some myself,” she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. “But you’re so old… how do you do it?” Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s quite easy, sonny… I just remove my dentures and suck ‘em dry!”
Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy boots. Seeing them on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, “So, do you notice anything different about me?” “What’s different? It’s the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants.”
“What’s different?” Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots. Again he says, “Bessie, do you notice anything different?” “What’s different, Sam? It’s hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down again tomorrow.”
Angrily, Sam yells, “Do you know why it’s hanging down? ‘Cause it’s looking at my new boots!!”
Bessie replies, “You shoulda bought a hat!”