The first student says, “The other day, this beautiful woman ran up to me with this bike, threw it on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said ‘Take anything you want!’”

The first student says, “So I took the bike”.

The second student says, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit”

She said, “The sky is definately blue!”

“I’m sorry Suzy thats wrong the sky sometimes turns different colors red ,gray etc.. any body else?”

Timmy raised his hand and said, “The grass is definately green.”

“I’m sorry Timmy that’s not true either, sometimes the grass dies and it may turn brown, anybody else?”

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Teacher do farts have lumps?”

The teacher says, “no why?”

Johnny says, “Then I definately Shit my pants!”

The rest is here:
Pinoy Tagalog SMS Jokes Funny Messages: Tagalog kwots sms

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.

What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths in 1980

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is 80% of the price.

What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths in 1990

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is £80.

How much was his profit?

4. Teaching Maths in 2000

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.

Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths in 2005

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands.

Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the
logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

6. Teaching Maths in 2009

A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be
offensive to minority religious groups not consulted in the
felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of
Health and Safety legislation as it is deemed too dangerous and could cut
something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident,
however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is
therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is
sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies.

He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is
such an easy target. When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have
cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them
off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority,
imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail the Gypsies cut
down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash.
They also have a leaving BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and depart leaving
behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The forester on
release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately
at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for
environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT
for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be
arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20
profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state
for the rest of his life?

7. Teaching Maths in 2010

A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan
to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and its money on a
derivative of securitised debt related to sub-prime mortgages in Alabama
and lost the lot with only some government money left to pay a few million
pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the
biggest losses. The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old
lorry however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the
emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it
back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send
their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their
relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport
them at the government’s expense. Following their holiday back home they
return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The
logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is
on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees
as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonuses
are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim
the difference on expenses and allowances.

You do the maths.

8. Teaching Maths in 2017

? ?????? ???? ????? ????? ?? ????? ?? ??? 100 ?????. ???? ????? ???????
?? ?????. ?? ?? ????? ???

TEACHER: Johnny, name one important thing we have
today that we
didn’t have ten years ago.
JOHNNY: Me!
*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you
are.
*-*-*

JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
insects?
JOHNNY: Don’t bite any.
*-*

TEACHER: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
JOHNNY: I is…
TEACHER: No, Johnny. Alwayss

1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

2. It’s Isaac Newton’s birthday.

3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn’t actually reach it.

4. I have the proof, but there isn’t room to write it in this margin.

5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.

6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.

7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.

8. I couldn’t figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.

9. I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.

10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn’t find it

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