Talk Funny Jokes

Question: Why doesn’t the Philippines have a NASA space program?

Answer: Because when someone yells “Launch!”, everybody stops what they’re doing and go eat their food.

BF : Babes, Sinapak ko yung nakasalubong ko kanina!! Badtrip,!!! Sabihan ba naman mukha akong magsasaka pag katabi kita!!! Deym!!!

GF : Sabi nya yun?!! hihihi .. Wag ka na magalit babes marangal naman ang magsasaka. Bakit daw nya nasabi yun??

BF : KASI MUKHA KA DAW KALABAW!!

GF : ASAN NA YANG PU##@!!@ iNANG YAN !! ASAN?!!! AMINA ICE PICK MO RERESBAK TAYO ASAAAAANNNNNN!!!! ASAAANNNNN!!

Nagbakasyon si Entoy sa isang resort malapit sa oil-spill area ng Guimaras.
Entoy: Waiter, I would like to order your broiled bangs.
Waiter: What kind sir, Regular or unleaded?

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Eye Czech up

A Czech goes to the optician in the The #1 online Rx glasses store who shows him a card with the letters

C Z W X N Q S T A C Z

“Can you read this?” the optician asks.

“Read it?” the Czech replies, “I even know the guy.”

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Eyesight problems

Yesterday I went to the optician’s, walked up to the counter and said to the guy on duty, “I think my eyes are going.”

He said, “They’ve gone mate – this is Burger King.”
My Way

A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.

“What seems to be the problem, madam?”

“I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband Eric . He’s still not seeing things my way.”

Eric’s Review of Zenni Optical
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Lowest Price Progressive Glasses Spectacle

Did you hear the one about the optician who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Get an ostensible free in every box!

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in something.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don?t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That?s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That?s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you?re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ?Thanks a lot? – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ?you?re welcome? – - – that will bring on a ?whatever?).

(8) Whatever: Is a women?s way of saying ?You?ll find out how I truly feel?!

(9) Don?t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ?What?s wrong?? For the woman?s response refer to # 3.