Talk Funny Jokes

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as ?Euro-English?.

In the first year, ?s? will replace the soft ?c?. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ?c? will be dropped in favour of ?k?. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ?ph? will be replaced with ?f?. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ?e? in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ?th? with ?z? and ?w? with ?v?.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ?o? kan be dropd from vords Kontaining ?ou? and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu

understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in

ze forst plas.

This has got to be one of the FUNNIEST freakin videos out there? Recently my father sent me a paper he did on stress management in the work force? I would however like to end off that paper with the following?

All the best to my father? hahaha what a laugh this guys has? must be in the yoga.

A man goes to see the Rabbi. ?Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.?

The Rabbi asked, ?What?s wrong??

The man replied, ?My wife is poisoning me.?

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ?How can that be??

The man then pleads, ?I?m telling you, I?m certain she?s poisoning me, what should I do??

The Rabbi then offers, ?Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I?ll see what I can find out and I?ll let you know.?

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, ?Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.

You want my advice??

The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,

?Take the poison.?

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, ?This is what your wife needs at least three times a week Can you do this??

The husband thought for a moment and replied, ?Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.?

A mild mannered man is tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he decides to go to a psychiatrist. The doctor tells him he has to develop self-esteem and gives him a booklet on assertiveness training. He reads it on the way home. When he walks through the door and his wife comes to greet him, he tells her, ?From now on I?m the man of this house and my word is law. When I come home from work I want my dinner on the table. Now get upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed because I?m going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?? ?The undertaker?? She replies.