Talk Funny Jokes

NAGTINDA NG HALO-HALO ANG NANAY NI BOTONG, INUTUSAN SI BOTONG NA BUMILI NG YELO AT ASUKAL SA KABILANG BARANGAY.

Nakabili na ng yelo si Botong, pero hindi siya nakabili ng asukal, baka magalit ang nanay niya, mabigat kasi ang yelo kaya nagpasya siya na paki iwan sa barangay tanod ang yelo.

BOTONG: Sir tanod, maari po ba na paki iwanan ko itong yelo ko?
TANOD: Aba! O,o, isabit mo lang diyan at huwag kang mag-tagal.

Natagalan si Botong dahil malayo ang nilakad niya, at nabarkada pa, pagbalik.

BOTONG: Sino ang nag-nakaw ng yelo ko, at inihian pa, bastos.

Isang araw sa paaralan ng Santo Thomas………

teacher: class sino ba nakakilala ni JOSE RIZAL DITO???

BATA1:maam di ko pow kilala!!

BATA2:di ko rin kilala maam!!!

BATA3; ako din man di ko rin kilala!!

BATA4:maan baka nasa kabilang klase si JOSE RIZAL!!!! teacher: ngeeeeeee!!!

1.) a lizard fell on the table:

genius:
oh, reptila scincidae

kikay:
eew lizard

astig:
shit butiki

mataray:
shucks butiks

mayaman:
yuck lacoste

poor:
pare ulam

3.) kung ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon na ito
kanino ka mas hihigit na hahanga?

sa taong iniwan ang lahat para sa minamahal nya

o

sa pusang naghaharlem?

Tindahan with signboard “Selling Mountain Dew – offer please”

Boy: Ale, magkano po yun Mountain Dew?

Ale: Magkano offer mo boy?

Boy: 10 pesos po?

Ale: Di kaya boy, kinse isa benta ko.
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Sa isang elevator na may Pilipino at Amerikano. Dadating si Pilipino 2 humahabol sa elevator:

Pinoy 2: Bababa ba?

Pinoy 1: Bababa

Kano: Did you guys just have a conversation?

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Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.

Ale: Aba , sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!

Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?

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(Sa loob ng Mall)

GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.

Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman!

GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since…

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JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?

ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)

JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.

ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Get an ostensible free in every box!

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in something.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don?t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That?s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That?s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you?re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ?Thanks a lot? – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ?you?re welcome? – - – that will bring on a ?whatever?).

(8) Whatever: Is a women?s way of saying ?You?ll find out how I truly feel?!

(9) Don?t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ?What?s wrong?? For the woman?s response refer to # 3.