During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team?s cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, ?You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand.? ?That?s right, Coach,? replied the lineman. ?But, she?s much better!?
After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the whole night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up.
?Get up dear,? she said, ?it?s 20 to seven.?
He awoke with a start and said, ?In whose favour??
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, ?What?s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!?
The guy answers, ?My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.?
?Forget it, man;? said his partner, ?you don?t stand a snowball?s chance in hell of hitting her from here!?
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair.
His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the red neck?s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn?t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and
Says, ?Kemo Sabe, look towards sky; what you see??
The Lone Ranger replies, ?I see millions of stars.?
?What that tell you?? asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, ?Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are Millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What?s it tell you, Tonto??
?You dumber than buffalo shit.
Someone stole tent.?